We all know that men are ultra-competitive but they really can’t hold a candle to women in that regard. For us, it’s a sport worthy of its due recognition. We compete for jobs in male-dominated professional landscapes, we compete for men, and we compete to be the best looking, best dressed, most popular, and the most fun. You name it, we’re in there. This post is about how at times the narrative between women becomes her loss/my gain, and why women compete.
You Are An Original
When you step into your wholeness as a woman, you will know with certainty that there is only one you. It really doesn’t matter what the woman next to you is doing. The question is, and always is, what are we doing for ourselves? How are we growing and evolving? Be at peace knowing that what is for you will come to you. We gain nothing from maligning and undermining other women. It is merely a distraction from our own true purpose and greatness.
The Set Up
Have you ever heard about a colleague or friend getting a promotion and felt a twinge of envy? Even disgust? Maybe you were a little skeptical as to why they always seem to be winning and questioning whether they even deserve it. Well that girlfriend, is our own insecurity. The feeling that by them achieving something it takes away or diminishes our accomplishments somehow. This is what gets in the way of a true feeling of interconnectedness between women, and building a supportive community based upon commonalities. Fear.
The Scarcity Factor
As women, we are conditioned to believe that there is a scarcity of everything that is important to us. You name it we’re chasing it. When we operate within that condensed mindset, every achievement by our fellow women can be perceived as a potential threat. Instead of celebrating one another, we benchmark and disqualify.
I’ve listened to women dress down and discount other women’s experiences strictly because they are uncomfortable and insecure about their own lives. There’s no way for us all to win, there must be a loser.
It’s time to change the narrative that the success of another will diminish us somehow. That there isn’t enough success to go around. When you celebrate others you are celebrating your own growth. You are celebrating the fact that you have evolved enough to know that everyone has their own path. You are also celebrating your ability to learn from the success and experiences of others without discounting your own.
How We Compete…A Closer Look
- Appearance: So much of our femininity is tied to our physical appearance. From the attractiveness of our faces to the curves in our waists. This focus on the external has been in play from the very first time we played dress-up as little girls. We’ve since evolved to a steady diet of mani’s, pedi’s, facials, waxes, blah blah blah. All for the greater good. There is hardly any focus, or appreciation for that matter, on how we develop our inner selves. Are we good people? Or should we just look pretty? I could go on forever about these toxic ideals of femininity and what we’ve been subjected to. Check out my previous post on external validation https://bit.ly/3IItUDW.
- Men: Because they are visual beings we compete for their attention, often relying on our physical appearance to lure them in, hoping they’ll stay. We compete for their commitment, elbowing aside other women to get them to choose us for a lifetime. Sure men have plenty of options, but we do too. If we as women step into our full value as humans, the game changes and we become the choosers.
- Jobs: In a world where jobs are competitive and men fill the seats at the board room tables, there is a pervasive feeling among women that maybe there won’t be enough room for them too. We leapfrog over our female colleagues to be the strongest, fiercest, and least emotional in the female pool. And for what? For too long it’s been said that women are too emotional to lead, which we know of course isn’t true. Because of this, we twist ourselves into pretzels to fit the mold, and wall ourselves off from other women at work. Missing any real chance of fostering a supportive work environment.
What We Lose
When we cannot see the commonalities in our experiences as women, we miss out on opportunities to build a true sisterhood. One where we are genuinely supporting one another. What if we were able to see all women as a community that is experiencing different versions of similar things? There is strength in unity, and when we can acknowledge and embrace that, we’ve won half the battle.
Community Building
When we keep our sisterhood circles small, our communities of support stay small. There are so many benefits to expanding your reach, and so much we are holding back from one another. We just need to take the leap.
Synergistic Support
When you don’t share your knowledge, ideas, and experiences we miss out on opportunities to support each other synergistically. Synergistic relationships complement one another. When working together synergistically, we can make an even bigger impact than if we were working alone. How much farther might we have taken that idea if we had just reached out to that colleague or associate that is an ace in that particular area of interest? If we fail to see other women as valuable resources we limit ourselves exponentially.
How We Can Align
Focus On Authenticity
One of the best ways you can eliminate the innate need to compete with other women is to fully invest in your own personal growth. You are an original and there is no one like you. Step into that. Give yourself grace in the fact that you are bringing something special to the table. When you reach that point of knowing, something shifts within you, and it becomes much easier to celebrate other women. Doing this also allows us to let go of the Her Loss/My Gain scenario.
Appreciate Different Perspectives
Life is a fantastic gift, filled with many opportunities to interact with others and share experiences. We need to be open to the opportunity to learn and gain knowledge from others. When we develop an appreciation for the stories of others, we gain perspective and lose nothing. Compassion and support come much more easily. The focus becomes more about connection and less about competition.
Embrace Our Differences
Differences are often seen in a negative light and serve as a barrier to authentic connection. I believe that differences are to be celebrated. If we were all the same, what would we share? When you can embrace differences you begin to see others as a resource worth tapping into.
Let’s share our commonalities and empower one another. When we connect we grow. The only competition that we really have is within our own minds.
So the next time your female colleague gets a promotion, realize that she’s doing it for the team, and high-five her!
