Do you really see me? I am not an object.
- I am not arm candy
- I am not here to bolster your ego
- I am not someone to station in a house as a prop
- I am not someone who would choose to be one of many
- I am not something to be consumed and discarded
I am a woman with a heart and soul. A woman who has big loves, big goals, and strong values. I am Stephanie. This is how I want to be seen. If you choose to see my soul, you will see me.
What will it take for women to be seen in this world? I mean really seen. Who will be brave enough to go beyond vanity, glam, and societal benchmarks to discover what makes us tick?
This post is about the continual objectification of women and the fact that above all, we are not objects.
Shallow Waters
As a single woman, at some point, you will attempt to throw yourself back into the dating pool. As daunting as this might seem, It is universally understood that you will need to give it your best shot, and look super cute doing it. Why?? Because men are visual creatures, and they fall in love/lust with the images of beauty and femininity that are presented to them.
If you catch their eye, it’s game on. We know this as women, and use it to our advantage. The instant attraction might be enough to keep you around for a little while, but the true emotional connection won’t come until much later for men. This is where things get tricky for us. Most times we are interested in them much earlier. In my opinion, in the early stages, we are mere objects of their affection. We are deduced to our external value in their eyes. Because of this, the dating game starts off in very shallow waters.
Dress Rehearsal
So now you’re back on the scene, and the stakes are high. You know that you must look as “hot” as possible to guarantee a call-back. You must highlight your very best features to create that “lasting” impression.
This often involves pulling your “sexiest” (just keeping it real) shirt from the back of your closet. You know that special shirt that you pull out where you know you can’t lose? That one. What the hell, you may even go for broke and put on the stiletto’s that you swore you would never wear again. You can never be hot enough for that very first date.
This tired ritual has been going on for generations, with no sign of slowing down.
On The Other Hand…
Men are tasked with showing up and just looking presentable. So stressful for them right? Quite a few of them put in minimal effort. Regardless, we’ll still be there on the other side of the table hoping for the best. In my opinion, we are routinely expected to showcase our “assets” through various types of clothing. If someone tells you that you have great legs, guess what, a skirt becomes your first date go-to. It’s a crazy double standard with so much emphasis on a woman’s physical appearance.
This is the femininity trap that we’ve been forced into as women. We are objectified and seen as objects first, and actual people later. If you wait around long enough, he might eventually get to know you. That setup truly doesn’t work for me. Get to know me, and then I’ll decide if we’re on the same page.
Chase My Inner Beauty…
If the goal is to connect with someone who values you and loves you for who you are, why are we allowing men to put so much emphasis on our external attributes? I’m sure that we are partially to blame because we go along with the madness every single time.
Sure we’ve done this dance since the beginning of time, but we leave the most valuable pieces of ourselves out of the equation. The truth is that we’ve always been so much more than we’ve been given credit for. When you get past our curves, the makeup, the handbags, the jewelry, etc. there is a real person under there.
When we are reduced to objects of attraction it fails to acknowledge the inner beauty that makes us unique.
Date My Soul
It’s time for us as women to demand that men chase our inner vs. outer beauty. Thrill me with how fantastic of a human being you are, and I’ll do the same. Anything that is built to last will certainly be focused on more than the superficial.
I believe that when the emphasis shifts to connecting with someone authentically you actually waste much less time. We spend so much time trying to attract guys that look great but are horrible people. Guys who don’t share our values, that we would never be able to go the distance with.
Changing The Game
So what does it ultimately look like when you start letting your inner beauty do the heavy lifting in your dating journey? Those rose-colored glasses come off, and you see men for who they really are. Remember that cute guy who never called you back? Yeah, him too.
When you show up for the date with the goal of getting to know someone authentically rather than hoping that they think you’re cute, the whole vibe changes.
Authenticity Wins
If you can show up and present your authentic self minus the visual adornments, you win. I’m not saying that you have to present a stripped-down version of yourself at all. Let’s be honest, we all take pride in our appearance, and we love to dress up!
Just wear something that you feel good in, without feeling like you are on display. If you’re not feeling the heels, don’t wear them. End of story. The guy that you’re looking for won’t care. Put your money on your inner beauty to see you through, and you can’t lose. That is when you are truly being seen.
If he’s not down with your truth, well then you found out early that he wasn’t going to cut it.
After all, you are a queen.
Own your authenticity and when you find that special someone it will be based upon a deeper connection that is real, and hopefully lasting.
We are so much more ladies. It’s time to introduce these guys to our inner beauty.
If you have a moment, check out my previous post called “External Validation And Opting Out” https://herpicketfence.com/external-validation-and-opting-out/
