Okay. So we all bought the book. You know the book I’m talking about. I’m not going to mention any names, but there once was a book that told us if we just do “xyz” our prince would come. I call BS on that whole narrative, mainly because it involves being less than authentic and twisting ourselves into pretzels. Who has time for that? I’m here to tell you that “Hard To Get” is dead ladies RIP.
Nowadays our time is so precious that who on earth has time for games. There were so many things that we were taught by dating “experts”. These action steps were supposed to make us more attractive and less desperate to men. I’m cringing already.
What We Were Supposed To Do…
- Be Less Available- Even if you are sitting right next to your phone and he calls don’t answer. Remember that? We needed him to think that we were doing other fabulous things and totally not worried about him calling. The phone would ring and ring, and meanwhile we are organizing our closets on a Friday night
- Stepford Wife Demo- To win here we were supposed to give him a taste of all of the great meals and glam he would be entitled to full-time if we were chosen
- Play It Coy- Never let him know how much we value commitment just let him think it’s his idea. Just hang out and hope for the best. You have a better chance of winning the lottery than him actually figuring out what you really want
Where It Got Us…
I have to admit that I got caught up in the playing hard to get hype for a while too. If I could just do all of the things, it would be a guaranteed layup for me. Wrong. This is actually what happens instead:
Car Seat Central
By letting the guy call all of the shots, and waiting for his queue’s, not only are we not in the drivers seat, but we have ceded passenger seat privileges as well.
We are officially riding in a car seat like a toddler. Our boyfriend is sitting in the front and passing us snacks for the long ride. They will let us know when they are ready in their time. I call this passive planning.
Choose Me
By transferring all the power over to the guy we are put into a holding pattern that can only be broken when “he” decides to take things to the next level. This goes hand in hand with the auditioning phase where we show him all of the benefits behind door #1 (great food/clean house/mother of the year).
Fear Factor
Many of us don’t want to start from scratch with a new prospect so we held onto our dating manuals tightly and hoped for the best which clearly hasn’t worked
The New Vibe
Why wait for what you want. If you see something you like go for it. Someone once said that you miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take, and that is true in dating as well.
Men are so used to putting themselves out there, that many times we reward them for just having the courage to approach us while we’re out.
What about what we like? That guy you saw last week that was smoking hot…if you see him again why not let him know? And for the record, I’m not talking about letting him know in the previously sanctioned ways that we’ve been taught (eye contact/laughing at his jokes). I mean “Hey what’s your name?”
Throw out the men need to chase you policy. That’s putting too much power in the hands of boys. I call BS on that too.
Games Are For Kids
How refreshing is it when someone allows their not so perfect side to come through? Sharing your vulnerabilities takes courage. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are a real person.
Take the time to let someone experience the real you and communicate what’s important. No BS.
When you add authenticity into the mix, the shallow guys will fall by the wayside. They won’t be able to keep up. Pretending is toxic and a complete waste of your time.
Showing up as yourself is the basis for any true connection. I’m about done with meeting people’s representatives, how about you?
If you have a moment, check out my previous post “Why I’m Living My Life vs. Seeking A Mate”
https://herpicketfence.com/why-im-living-my-life-vs-seeking-a-mate/
