At this point in my life, I’m not looking to get married for a lot of different reasons. I have great respect for marriage as an institution, but I have less respect for the outdated social norms that suggest that we must wait for the man we love to propose. My thoughts are, if you love him and want to be married to him, ask him. That’s it. Why sit around waiting for something that YOU obviously want.
Down With Tradition
Why have we never thought of doing things differently? Is it less romantic? Are we married to the idea of men getting down on one knee and professing their commitment to us? Why do we as women need to wait for such a monumental decision to be signed off on by our significant others?
Traditionally, women enter into relationships and spend the requisite amount of time vetting their future husbands. Included in this little dance is letting them see us without makeup, meeting the parents, and showcasing our homemaking skills. Eventually, the sun, moon, and stars line up and he decides we are worthy. Yay.
Who’s Waiting?
In my opinion, that stance gives men way too much control over our futures. We choose them, and then sit on our hands and wait for the proposal to come. Fun.
If we dare broach the subject of not wanting to waste our time, it’s viewed as pressure and giving him an ultimatum. We then play coy in order to keep them comfortable. But hold up, aren’t WE uncomfortable waiting? Do you remember when your mom told you to sit still and wait for something you really really wanted as a child? Well this time, it’s your boyfriend. No thank you.
The Independent Woman Clause
I believe that women shouldn’t feel like they need to wait to be chosen. That is the independent woman clause. If you know what you want, and it’s him, ask him for the commitment that you desire.
There are three benefits to this:
- If you make your intentions clear, he now knows that you have an end game in mind, and you will make other plans if it doesn’t happen
- If he reacts negatively to your request it gives you the information that you need on the future prospects of your relationship
- No time wasted
Ask him. What do you have to lose?
What Do You Want?
Own Your Life Choices
At times, it’s easy to lose sight of your wants and needs while you are in a relationship. Compromise is great, but it’s really not okay to put the things that are important to you on the back burner no matter how upset your partner gets.
Own Your Timeline
What does your 5-10 year plan look like? Does it include a family? If so, make the choices in your life that are conducive to achieving that. If it means letting go of a guy who sees you as an option and is clearly wasting your time, so be it.
Own Your Truth
Once you decide on what’s important to you, stick to it. Men do it every day. They wait until they are established financially and career-wise to commit, and they don’t waver. Be as unwavering in your commitment to your own happiness as men are.
Own Your Risk
Everyone has a different timeline for their life, men included. Own your risk in that your timeline might not align with your significant other’s. And that’s okay. Make the decisions that are right for you first, and hopefully, the universe will align you with a partner on a similar timeline in the future.
Meet Me Halfway
Partnerships should be mutually agreed upon, and the conversations around commitment should be fluid between both parties. Don’t let fear keep you from having these important discussions.
My own fear of being vulnerable and truly seen kept me from seeing my relationships for what they really were. The truth is, that I never had enough information. I wasn’t having the courageous conversations necessary to protect my time. Put your ego aside and have the conversations.
Be an active participant in the planning of your future. Don’t leave it to the guys, and do not settle. We are queens and a future with us deserves the appropriate consideration.
Get yours Queen!
If you have a moment, check out my previous post “I Am Not An Object”
https://herpicketfence.com/i-am-not-an-object/
❤️Stephanie
