Throughout our lives, certain circumstances and events will take place that impact the person that we will become. When those things impact us negatively, we never truly forget them. Let’s call it the trauma that keeps on giving. The trauma that we’ve experienced in our past, starts showing up in our present. We are cruising along in our everyday lives when just like that, the emotions that are connected to our trauma come flooding back. We start feeling triggered.
Genesis
I could speak to several things that happened during my childhood that affected my level of self-confidence and growth as a young woman. Many of them were positive, but just as many were negative. As I grew older the effect that the negative experiences had on my life lessened, but the scars remained.
What I didn’t expect was how tough it would be to rid myself of the triggers of my trauma and pain. Being triggered transports you involuntarily back to the scene of the crime. How deep it cuts you depends on the experience, but it is never welcomed. My triggers were frequent interrupters to my self-growth, taunting me from the sidelines.
Here’s an example of one of mine:
When my son was younger, I inadvertently became aware of a meetup with other moms that I hadn’t been invited to. As I wrestled with this information, I immediately felt a pang of insecurity. I had been excluded, and it wasn’t a mistake. The internal angst that I experienced at that time immediately took me back to my younger days, when I was excluded from the cool group during dance class. As much as I wanted to pretend it didn’t matter, my reaction spoke volumes.
Back To The Future
We all have these stories from our past. As much as we want to move on, the scars remain and the triggers become familiar. As much as we want to avoid going back down that rabbit hole, our triggers remind us that we still don’t have enough self-control to conquer our demons.
Why won’t our triggers let us go? What can we do to conquer them? Read on.
Evolution
It’s time to get rid of the vise-like grip our triggers have on us. We need to break up with them once and for all.
Under Your Skin
What behaviors or circumstances tend to get under your skin, and which are the most stressful? Identify your top three triggers, and try to correlate them with an event or circumstance from your past or present. Only by identifying them can we set ourselves free.
I Come In Peace
Once you identify your triggers and their origination, make peace with them. It looks like this…”I realize that every time “x” happens it reminds me of “y”, but these fears and concerns aren’t valid anymore.” You are not your triggers, and your triggers don’t define you.
How Do You React?
The next step is realizing that your triggers are producing an undesirable reaction based on historical information. It’s time to cancel your reaction to them.
When I received my first mommy clique rebuff, I was also upset by the amount of stress the reaction had produced within me. I felt disqualified, disappointed, and even a little angry.
What I eventually realized is that as you go through life you may have an updated version of a similar circumstance. The characters will be new, but it’s all the same vibe. The only thing that you can truly change is your reaction to the situation.
Rebirth
Okay, it’s time to change the game. Follow these four steps, and set yourself free:
- Stop Reacting To Everything: Every action, even if it’s negative doesn’t require a response. You do have a choice and you can choose to register the event as a blip on your radar. Acknowledge it, and allow it to flow right by you like a river. Eventually, you’ll be able to process things by the weight that you have given them.
- Gain Perspective: An important part of managing your response is realizing that how people treat you is based on how they feel about themselves. Hurt people can and do hurt people, and it has nothing at all to do with you.
- Don’t Rattle: Sometimes when you are on the receiving end of someone’s negative energy, your reaction becomes their reward. Watching your response is like a day at the movies for them. Unless you don’t rattle. Change the game and don’t respond Become adept at acknowledging the negative situation and then letting it go.
- Protect Your Peace: Creating a peaceful life is paramount in supporting our overall emotional health and well-being. Don’t allow your past trauma or the dysfunctional relationships you might have with people to hold dominion over you.
These days I actively practice nullifying my triggers. I won’t allow them to hold me captive any longer, and you shouldn’t either.
If you have a moment, check out my previous post “Queen Vibes”
https://herpicketfence.com/queen-vibes/
