As women, I think we can all agree that the recurring narrative that we need to find a mate for our life to start is getting old. We exhaust ourselves with rituals, start hobbies that we have zero interest in, and struggle to meet impossible standards, all in an effort to bring Mr. Right into our lives. This constant chase and the idea that we must wait for someone doesn’t serve us. This post is about not waiting for Mr. Right and letting him find you.
Solitaire
What It Affords
When you are single you have a wonderful opportunity to take a step back and decide what you want your life to look like. There is no one standing next to you that you are charged with making happy every day. In the absence of relationship pressures, you can really develop your inner self in an unobstructed way. It also gives you the space to pursue your passions safely, without feeling like you are shortchanging someone.
When you are younger it can be difficult to make this deduction, because there are so many societal pressures telling you otherwise. As we get older though, we become wiser, and things begin to gel. We start to realize that we actually do need clarity to steer our lives in a meaningful direction.
I have to say that being single has been a wonderful gift for me. Time on my own has given me an incredible amount of perspective, and a sense of inner peace that is unparalleled. Although it’s not a celebrated path, I’ve been able to move forward in a way that supports MY growth.
The Cost Of Overstaying
If you are in an amazing relationship, that’s wonderful, but if you aren’t you will find the years you spend going around in circles with your significant other an exercise in futility. The relationship madness continues while your own self-growth remains static. Been there, done that.
Many of us are in fear of never finding the right person, but the true fear should be spending our life with the wrong person.
Me, Myself, and I
One of the growth opportunities that being single affords you, is learning how to be alone. Finding joy in your own company. This is definitely a superpower of epic proportions. When you learn how to live an enjoyable solitary life, you will never fear being alone again. Spending time alone is truly restorative, and allows you to listen clearly to what your inner self is telling you. At times that voice gets silenced in relationships.
Priorities
As women, we’ve always been taught that finding a mate was paramount to our existence. But what if we’ve been so busy figuring ourselves out that we don’t have time for a relationship? As we experience career growth and pursue our passions, dating doesn’t always fit into the equation. And that’s okay. The bottom line is that we have to assemble our own hierarchy of needs in a way that makes sense to us.
Glass Half Empty
I have found the idea of “Waiting For Mr. Right” to be diminishing. I’m not waiting for anything, I’m living. When you create a strong sense of self-worth, it enables you to add people and relationships into your life in a conscientious way. If you find a good partner it’s an absolute complement to your meaningful life. Rejecting the narrative that we are “waiting” for something empowers us in EVERY way.
The Scarcity Game
The Male Advantage
Time and time again we’ve heard that men have so many options. Well, I’m here to tell you that women do too, we just don’t always exercise them. We continually buy into the scarcity mindset that tells us to take what we can get. Fertility considerations aside, we need to change this dated narrative that leads us to:
- Settling– Feeling like we must take what’s “available” to us or we may never get another shot at happiness
- Lowering Our Standards– We are constantly being chastised for having “lists” and coached on burying our expectations
- Image Pressures– We chase impossible social media standards to get as close to physical perfection as possible. This comes at the expense of developing our inner selves
And for what? I happen to believe that men need us just as much as we need them. We need to start thinking of ourselves in terms of the tremendous value that we are bringing to the relationship. When viewed in that light, men should undoubtedly be looking for us!
Step Into Your Strength
We are amazing. We are evolving and growing in such an empowered space as women nowadays. It’s imperative that we claim our unique space in this world, and reject the narratives that don’t support our overall happiness.
Professional Fortitude
Women have been pursuing their careers and developing in ways that wouldn’t have been possible in the past. We’ve climbed the corporate ladder, broken through glass ceilings, and become entrepreneurs. This is a key strength that speaks to our adaptability to the changing times, and a hunger to break out of the mold that was set for us.
Emotional Fortitude
We’ve found new ways to harness our emotional strength and intelligence at home and work to build better relationships.
The combination of both of these attributes allows us to be real players in this game of life. Women should be valued and treated as the asset that we are.
Remix The Narrative
So why DON’T we need to wait for Mr. Right?
The Truth
We are an asset. We bring so much to the table personally and professionally that Mr. Right should be looking for us! Only when you recognize your worth can you begin to see things as they really are. When a true partner does show up, they will be a welcome addition to an already fabulous life. We are the prize, we don’t need to wait on anyone.
The Universe Provides
I am a true believer that things tend to work themselves out with time. When you force anything in life, sometimes it works out, but many times it does not. So just live your life, and get excited about what the universe has in store for you.
The Fear Factor
Let go of fear-based decision-making from a relationship perspective. I’m almost certain that men don’t spend their days bemoaning the fact that they are waiting for the perfect woman. It’s just us (maybe not). We need to let all of that fear go, and move forward from a position of confidence and strength. Maybe you won’t meet the right person, but you won’t spend a lifetime with the wrong one either. If you are in a relationship that isn’t serving you, let it go, and hope for the best. If you’re on the fence, check out my post “Why She Left…And Why She Won’t Be Back” https://bit.ly/3Q8moVT.
There are no guarantees in life. Bet on yourself!
