At this point in my life, my focus has become less on relationship-seeking and more on expansion. Expansion of my soul, happiness, inner beauty, education, and self-love. That is my focus, and it feels right to pour into myself and my family with abandon. I’m completing myself in all ways… independently. This includes being intentional about these priorities regardless of the status quo. So for now I’m living my life vs. seeking a mate.
What Do You Need
Have you ever asked yourself what is it exactly that you need to live a fulfilled and happy life? If you haven’t then you should. If you remove societal definitions of what brings happiness, what speaks to your core? What speaks to your soul?
I took some time several years ago to do the work of finding out. This included doing a deep dive to uncover some of the things that were important to me.
- Being a good human
- Being a good mom who is present
- Enjoying time with my family and friends
- Self-evolution
- Pursuing my passions
I had to ask myself if I have a finite amount of time on this planet (which we do), what are the things that I want to make sure that I make time for? I realized that I am still learning and evolving every day and that I wanted to continue that. I am also trying to build a life around my family and my passions. These are the things that I want to make time for. We need to organize our lives in a way that makes sense to us.
The Deep End Of The Pool
As women, we are often put on the mate-seeking track, and if we aren’t focused on that, we are made to feel inadequate. I cannot tell you how many times, upon the urging of friends, I have started to put my profile on a dating site and then stopped short. What I realized is that I’m not really interested in following through, because it isn’t a priority for me right now. I was only pursuing it because I thought it was what I should be doing. In truth, there were so many other things that I wanted to focus on besides that. Things that were really enriching my life.
I would say this to women who don’t feel like immersing themselves in the dating pool right now…it is totally okay. If you focus your energy on activities that are meaningful to you, you really can’t lose. Forget about your fears of growing old alone. Be intentional about your time today because that is really all that we have. Don’t allow social constructs to distract you from your true purpose in life.
What Feeds Your Soul?
Do you really know what truly feeds your soul? You know that feeling of exuberance and joy that you get from participating in certain activities? There are so many distractions on a daily basis that sometimes our true passions get pushed into the background. When you quiet down all of the noise and allow yourself to explore, you’d be surprised at what your true interests are.
I found many of my true passions later in life. I was so busy struggling through my twenties etc, that I never made time to think about what I really wanted to do. I was on a conveyor belt that I couldn’t get off of, that was built around survival.
You need to find the activities that are restorative for you, and do more of them. My own interests floated on the periphery of my real life, never quite explored, and definitely not acted upon. I really enjoyed both writing and gardening but seldom did either one. I thought just making it through the day was enough. But it really wasn’t. I deserve more. We deserve more out of our lives.
I never really gave much thought to being intentional with my time, but I took a step back and decided to focus on what actually made me happy. I became intentional about refocusing it. Once I did that, my world truly started to shift in a positive direction.
When you get clear on where you want to spend your time, the pour-in will be worth it. You will be much happier and feel a sense of fulfillment because you are doing something that is enriching your soul. I’ve experienced true joy each day that I’ve pursued my passions, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Ready…Set…Not Yet
At the end of the day, we need to figure out what is important to us and go for it. We are the architects of our own life, and if it doesn’t include a plus one right now, that is fine.
When we make our fears our focus, it never works out. We end up pulling a seat filler off of “Hinge” who distracts from the main event (our personal growth). If you’re interested, check out my previous post “Is It Time For A Dating Intermission?” https://herpicketfence.link/y3z
Jump into the dating pool when you are ready and you are truly open to it. Ask yourself if you have the space for it in your life, and if so, do you want to make space for that person? You may find someone truly wonderful organically who will complement your life. Hopefully, this will be a relationship that will allow you to continue your journey toward personal growth.
Do what feels right for you. Your Life, your way.
