Are single women happier? I’m here to answer that question and dispel a few myths as well. As a single woman living in New York City, who’s been on her own for a while, I think I can provide some perspective. So here goes…
About That Single Life…
When you’re single, you are the shot caller twenty-four hours a day. You can make and break all the rules. This fact in and of itself is ultra-empowering, but it can also be scary because of the level of accountability attached. There will be no checks and balances, and there are no relationship distractions.
Being on your own can be overwhelming at times but it also builds inner strength. You become accustomed to doing all of the things that are routinely relegated to a male partner. I’ve learned to do many things on my own out of necessity, and I’ve grown tremendously.
Wishful Thinking
There were times where I would leave a painting sitting on the floor of my apartment until my significant other had time to hang it. Scandalous, I know. Nowadays, I’m doing it all, and I’ve even purchased a power drill of my own.
Home Depot Hustle
I remember ordering a patio set from home depot and when the huge boxes arrived, I had a full on panic attack. The enormity of the task in front of me finally sank in. This was going to be an all day, roll up your sleeves kind of event that no one would be able to save me from.
I somehow managed to hustle my packages up to my apartment (thankfully I have an elevator now), on my trusty little hand truck. Ladies, if you are single you need to get your hands on a hand truck for times just like this. I call it my husband.
Ok, so I finally get everything into my livingroom which has now been taken over by what appears to be a 1000 piece patio set, and sink to the floor in exhaustion. My first thoughts are “How will I do this?”, and then “Can I do this?”, and finally “I’m doing this”.
With the sheer grit and determination that comes with knowing that the calvary ain’t coming, I rolled up my sleeves and started going about the business of solving my own problems. I am happy to report that after hours of sweating in the hot sun that afternoon, I got that set together, and it sits on my patio to this day.
The Power of Me
When I look at my patio set I am reminded that when you are forced to do things out of necessity, it can actually empower you to do way more than you ever thought was possible. This is one of the benefits of being single. You are forced to flex muscles that you didn’t know you existed, and it’s a fantastic feeling.
The Long Game
Many of my friends have been with their significant others for a while and wonder if they would be okay on their own. My answer is always “Of course!” When your happiness is on the line you will find a way to be okay.
So as a single woman, I can unequivocally say that yes it does make me incredibly happy to know that I can take care of myself. The feeling is priceless. That being said, it’s definitely not like you’re living on Fantasy Island. Being on your own definitely has it’s ups and down like anything else in life. I think people tend to romanticize whatever the opposite is of the life that they are living.
We need to start being honest with each other about the realities on both sides of the relationship fence. No matter where you land in life, nothing is a cake walk. Sure being on your own can be great, but you will face different pressures financially, socially, and emotionally. So let’s get into it…
That Single Girl Life…
Pros
First, one of the biggest pro’s to being single in my opinion is the fact that when you aren’t in a relationship you have plenty of time for distraction free self-development. When you are focused on “we” vs. “me”, there is a continual temperature check to see if the other person is happy. I’ve always found that to be pretty draining. You have the ability to pour all of that time and effort into becoming the best version of yourself.
Second, you can’t disappoint yourself right? I know, I know, call me a pessimist. The thing is that when you are tired of being disappointed in relationships being single allows you to take a step back and focus on making yourself happy. This is important, because let’s face it, when your needs are continually not being met in a relationship, you are in fact settling.
These points actually make the case that you can be happier single, especially if your relationship is an unhealthy one.
Cons
First, you can literally feel like you are playing musical chairs and you didn’t get a seat. Let’s just say that you want to have a family, and you are still waiting around for Mr. Right. If you’re in a relationship with the right person the path to parenthood can be much easier to navigate. Now that is not to say that you can’t go on and do these things on your own, but it’s just a little easier (I say this as a single mom).
Second, when you are used to doing things on your own it can be hard to let someone in. This is my problem. Guilty as charged. When you’re a one woman, show you start to wonder where that prospective partner might fit in when you are already holding it down across the board. You start not needing a partner, or you think you don’t anyways. As single women, we need to realize that it’s okay to need someone.
The Real Keys To Happiness…
So I would argue that the real key to happiness is not your relationship status but the relationship that you have with yourself. Make sure that you are focusing on these 3 things:
- Complete Yourself- Brick by brick. Pour into yourself unapologetically
- Be Single When It Makes Sense- If you need to take a break from dating to reset, do it
- Together With Conditions- Find a relationship where you feel loved and respected
So are single women happier? If viewed through the right lens and not experienced as a deficit, it can be. But you can also be just as happy in a supportive relationship. Do what feels right for you.
If you have a moment, check out my previous post “Why I’m Living My Life vs. Seeking A Mate”
https://herpicketfence.com/why-im-living-my-life-vs-seeking-a-mate/
❤️ Stephanie
