I guess we’ve known forever that men and women truly don’t understand one another. It’s like we are speaking completely different languages. Let’s talk about the importance of relationships and communication.
Men Are From Mars
Black & White
I think things are very black & white from the male perspective. I don’t think men deal in layers. If a friend doesn’t show up for dinner, they just make other plans. When we’re not speaking to them, they just assume that we are mad. If something breaks, they fix it. That’s it. No deep analysis involved.
I actually applaud men for this. With so many distractions in our everyday lives, it’s easy to get stuck in the weeds. Men worry about the important things that are on their plates right now. They don’t spend too much time trying to figure other people or their behaviors out. Zero time wasted on the little things.
The Emotional Aspect
Where men do get tripped up is that when they think in linear terms, they miss the little nuances that might be important to women. From the time they were young, they’ve been encouraged to be strong and suppress their emotional lives. And crying…absolutely out of the question. Remember the movie “Boys Don’t Cry”?
This suppression of emotion does men a disservice because it hinders the development of healthy emotional expression. The emotional portion gets switched off and abandoned under the guise of masculinity. In my opinion, this causes men to show up in their future relationships as emotionally disconnected entities.
Not only are they unable to freely share their emotions, but they are also unable to read the emotional cues of their partners. A definite recipe for communication chaos.
The Female Track
As women, we have many layers to our emotional lives, and most of us think and feel deeply. Our connection to our partners is not just a physical one, it is emotional as well. This is one of the reasons that it’s hard for us to disconnect quickly from our mates.
We explore the meaning of things and tend to analyze our experiences. This also holds in relationships. We often read into our partner’s behaviors without addressing them directly, which leads to a disconnect.
Most times when we get upset about something, men are completely clueless. We are over in a corner sulking, and they have no idea what’s going on. It’s not their fault, initially anyway. When you are raised to ignore your emotions, how can you possibly understand someone else’s?
Bridging The Communication Gap
So how can we bridge the communication gap? Here are 3 ways:
What Do You Need?
As women, when we are emotionally upset we tend to sulk in silence. The next time that you are disappointed in your partner, instead of going inward, communicate why you are upset. Tell your partner what you actually need. At least he’ll know, and whether he chooses to address it is up to him.
Game Over
In order to have a good relationship with healthy communication you have to say no to the games that keep us from sharing our lives authentically. Instead of playing coy, start getting real!
Clear Boundaries And Standard
How can anyone know that they’ve crossed your boundaries if they were never communicated? Make the things that are important to you clear from the beginning and this will empower truth in your relationship.
#Goals
When your communication changes from misdirected to authentic, this is what you can look forward to…
A Relationship Built On Truth
Because men are black & white and we think in layers, you are actually meeting him in the middle by speaking your truth. There are no gray areas.
A Healthy Respect For Your Partner
When your partner knows that you have respect for yourself and care enough to communicate what’s important to you, the energy shifts and their respect for you increases.
Trust
I find it much easier to trust someone when I’ve communicated what’s important to me. Once I’ve done that it’s up to you. If my truth isn’t honored, I know that I’ve shared enough prospectively to give the relationship a fair chance.
So in short, start letting your partner know who you really are and what you really want. Authenticity is the only game in town.
If you have a moment, check out my previous post “My Journey To Become Emotionally Available”
https://herpicketfence.com/my-journey-to-become-emotionally-available/
