Dating is getting complicated these days, and women are becoming more and more choosy about what we want to invest our time in. Women are doing more outside of our homes career-wise, but have men’s expectations of what we should be doing inside of the home any different? Let’s talk about the new relationship vibe. Old School Vibes The 50’s version of marriage and housewives included women doing all of the cooking and cleaning, as well as taking care of our families. Period. A woman’s main focus was her home life. Sure there were outliers who pursued their own careers even back then, but the expectation was always that you would get married and have kids. Women couldn’t even get their own credit cards until 1974. Imagine that! These days we can shop online with abandon, but back then I guess women had to save whatever was left after the gas bill was paid or ask their husbands for an allowance (eek!). My how things have changed. Inside/Outside I grew up as one of four children. There were two boys and two girls, and traditional roles were in full effect. My father would have the boys do all of the work outside, while the girls would be responsible for all of the household chores. This was the unofficial inside/outside rule. I swear it still reigns supreme today. Are men expected to do much in the house nowadays? I would say no. For some men, any mention of laundry invokes panic. CEO Back then (or maybe even now), men were the captain of everything. They controlled much of the household finances and could routinely expect to have their meal prepared for them after they slid into home base after a long workday. How The Game Changed About that 9-5 Life… Women are truly doing their thing in the workplace. We are breaking barriers and elbowing our way into boardroom seats that were previously reserved for men. Go, ladies! With that new life came great gains, and we were able to contribute to our household’s bottom line. This also gave us a chance to find fulfillment beyond our home lives. With these changes came great sacrifice as well. Because we were now working outside of the home, there was a direct impact on the amount of time that we had to spend with our families. That part was tough because, for the first time, we were in jeopardy of missing the important milestones in our children’s lives. Household 2.0 Suddenly, we were putting in eight-hour days and arriving home exhausted. Our homes began to show signs of the strain, and we were forced to try and keep up by any means necessary. Weekends were now reserved for laundry, errands, and random family outings. Cooking every night was now unrealistic, and many of us began batching meals on Sunday for the week ahead. Multi-tasking was mandatory. The fortunate were able to hire help, but many of us were forced to move forward in the duality of their new role. In my opinion, things didn’t change that much for men, but women were expected to do more. Split Decision These days the time that we have with our children is precious. When we arrive home after a long day at work, we want to spend that time nurturing our children and watching them grow. I know that part of that nurturing is providing a healthy household, but this time we are doing it under modern constraints. Men have gotten used to the 50’s style of nurturing that used to be a given when women stayed at home. Many men still want their food cooked, clothes ironed, etc. All the while, women are working similar hours, causing us to triple down on our responsibilities. And newsflash, this expectation doesn’t exist solely within the married set. Single men also want the wifey perks, way before that ring finds it’s way to your finger. The Remix Complete Yourself First of all, let’s get real about the fact that no one completes anyone. When you enter into a relationship, we should all be showing up as our whole selves. I mean fully self-sufficient units. There is nothing more attractive than a partner who is not looking for the other person to be their everything. The Balanced Household The real move is the balanced household. One where women and men divide household responsibilities. It’s especially important if women are working outside of the home. Many men expect women to “keep house”, while also making sure that their tie is straight. I’m talking about a beautiful thing called personal responsibility in a relationship. Men have already been raised and nurtured by their mothers, and we can’t be that for them. Have we ever expected them to make sure our clothes were laid out for the next day? The new vibe is a partnership where antiquated expectations are thrown out of the window. We work hard, so we are deserving of an equal partnership with a self-sufficient man who is not looking to be taken care of. Now let me say this…there is nothing wrong with showing love and care for your significant other, but when it veers into complete dependency, I’m gone. So ladies, put the apron away and grab that remote control. It’s time for your man to make YOU dinner. If you have a moment, check out my previous post “Battling Burnout” https://herpicketfence.com/battling-burnout/ ❤️ Stephanie

The number of single and successful women has steadily been increasing over time. Gone are the days when we needed to depend on men for everything. So let’s get into what single independent women might actually want from men. Current Situation… Evolution Let’s start with the fact that we have evolved as women and are continually elevating ourselves. Many of us are pursuing our education and becoming forces to be reckoned with in the workplace. This has completely upended society’s rule book on how things are supposed to flow. Men are supposed to be the ultimate breadwinners right? Keep reading… Crushing It At Work But… When you do have a successful career, many pressures come along with that. You might find yourself working longer hours and having just enough energy after work to kick off your heels and collapse on the couch. It’s one thing if you’re just taking care of yourself, but when you have to meet the needs of others as well, the game changes. That’s when the feeling of overwhelm creeps in. Bills, Bills, Bills PSA for men: Please understand that as independent women we are already taking care of our own finances. We’re not necessarily looking for that kind of help. We’re already doing it. I can speak from personal experience and say that the idea of putting my financial well-being in someone else’s hands has always been completely unnerving to me. When you’re used to balancing your own books, that old-school ideal of men controlling your finances doesn’t compute. The New Eco-System The modern ecosystem looks like this…independent women now have full-on personal and professional lives, we travel and eat alone sometimes, and we are intentional about our time. We are hanging our own pictures on the wall, and buying power drills on Amazon. Just saying. I’m not bashing men at all, but I am level-setting expectations. Complement Me So where do men fit in with modern independent women? That is a very real question that I’ve felt the need to explore in my own life. Positive Vibes Only First of all, because we are constantly evolving, and many of us are aware of the brevity of life, we’ve become uber-serious about surrounding ourselves with positivity. That includes the men we choose to be in relationships with. If you are interested in dating an independent woman, just know that negativity and nonsense are unwelcome. Come to the table with peace and positivity and it becomes a relationship worth considering. Show Me When you are living your best life as a single woman, for you to consider upsetting your status quo, the relationship has to be a value add. You have to come to the table with something that we are already not doing for ourselves. This isn’t just about material things. Your presence must lend itself to value. Are you making our load heavier or lighter? If my life is harder within a relationship, it’s not worth the headache. Boundaries Independent women are used to doing their own thing, so boundaries are also important. Our boundaries must always be respected. Coming into our lives and crowding our space is a no-go. I need to be slow-walked into giving up a bit of my autonomy or I’m out. Independent women are used to freedom, and no one is going to go willingly into a cage. Seamless Trust Trust is huge because we must feel comfortable rolling the dice and integrating you into our lives. An independent woman must be able to trust you to make it all worth it. Authenticity Do her a favor and keep it a buck (100%). When you are a shot caller (which we are ladies!), you don’t have the time for games and misrepresentation in relationships. A man who is interested in being around for the long haul needs to be honest at a bare minimum. Friendship Be an amazing friend, like seriously. We aren’t looking for fathers, competitors, or cheaters. We do not need a placeholder that’s going to waste our time. Be real and be supportive. Full stop. So if you are looking to date an independent woman, I have a word of advice. Come correct or don’t come at all… If you have a moment, check out my previous post “Meet Me Where I Am” https://herpicketfence.com/meet-me-where-i-am/ ❤️ Stephanie

I guess we’ve known forever that men and women truly don’t understand one another. It’s like we are speaking completely different languages. Let’s talk about the importance of relationships and communication. Men Are From Mars Black & White I think things are very black & white from the male perspective. I don’t think men deal in layers. If a friend doesn’t show up for dinner, they just make other plans. When we’re not speaking to them, they just assume that we are mad. If something breaks, they fix it. That’s it. No deep analysis involved. I actually applaud men for this. With so many distractions in our everyday lives, it’s easy to get stuck in the weeds. Men worry about the important things that are on their plates right now. They don’t spend too much time trying to figure other people or their behaviors out. Zero time wasted on the little things. The Emotional Aspect Where men do get tripped up is that when they think in linear terms, they miss the little nuances that might be important to women. From the time they were young, they’ve been encouraged to be strong and suppress their emotional lives. And crying…absolutely out of the question. Remember the movie “Boys Don’t Cry”? This suppression of emotion does men a disservice because it hinders the development of healthy emotional expression. The emotional portion gets switched off and abandoned under the guise of masculinity. In my opinion, this causes men to show up in their future relationships as emotionally disconnected entities. Not only are they unable to freely share their emotions, but they are also unable to read the emotional cues of their partners. A definite recipe for communication chaos. The Female Track As women, we have many layers to our emotional lives, and most of us think and feel deeply. Our connection to our partners is not just a physical one, it is emotional as well. This is one of the reasons that it’s hard for us to disconnect quickly from our mates. We explore the meaning of things and tend to analyze our experiences. This also holds in relationships. We often read into our partner’s behaviors without addressing them directly, which leads to a disconnect. Most times when we get upset about something, men are completely clueless. We are over in a corner sulking, and they have no idea what’s going on. It’s not their fault, initially anyway. When you are raised to ignore your emotions, how can you possibly understand someone else’s? Bridging The Communication Gap So how can we bridge the communication gap? Here are 3 ways: What Do You Need? As women, when we are emotionally upset we tend to sulk in silence. The next time that you are disappointed in your partner, instead of going inward, communicate why you are upset. Tell your partner what you actually need. At least he’ll know, and whether he chooses to address it is up to him. Game Over In order to have a good relationship with healthy communication you have to say no to the games that keep us from sharing our lives authentically. Instead of playing coy, start getting real! Clear Boundaries And Standard How can anyone know that they’ve crossed your boundaries if they were never communicated? Make the things that are important to you clear from the beginning and this will empower truth in your relationship. #Goals When your communication changes from misdirected to authentic, this is what you can look forward to… A Relationship Built On Truth Because men are black & white and we think in layers, you are actually meeting him in the middle by speaking your truth. There are no gray areas. A Healthy Respect For Your Partner When your partner knows that you have respect for yourself and care enough to communicate what’s important to you, the energy shifts and their respect for you increases. Trust I find it much easier to trust someone when I’ve communicated what’s important to me. Once I’ve done that it’s up to you. If my truth isn’t honored, I know that I’ve shared enough prospectively to give the relationship a fair chance. So in short, start letting your partner know who you really are and what you really want. Authenticity is the only game in town. If you have a moment, check out my previous post “My Journey To Become Emotionally Available” https://herpicketfence.com/my-journey-to-become-emotionally-available/ ❤️ Stephanie